By Janet Frank, Ph.D., A-CFHC, NBC-HWC, PFAC
Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach
Here’s the truth: “Work-life balance” is a myth. If balance meant equal time for everything, we’d spend eight hours working, eight hours sleeping, and eight hours doing everything else. But that’s not how life works, especially not for business owners like you.
In reality, success often comes from focusing hard on one thing for a while to get the results you want. It’s more about deliberately throwing things out of balance when you need to.
A Different Way to Think of It: Life Rhythm
David Taylor-Klaus, an expert in entrepreneurship, has an interesting take. He asks why we even put “work” first in work-life balance. At the very least, shouldn’t it be “lifework balance”? Work is just one part of life. What about family, health, community, and all the other things that are important to you? Taylor-Klaus suggests we stop thinking about balance altogether and start thinking about “life rhythm” instead.
Once your vision comes to light, you can work backwards to set smaller, time-bound goals. You can find exercises online to help figure this out or work with a professional coach.
Finding Your North Star
To get a clear sense of your life rhythm, think long-term. That means having a clear vision for your life. Think of your vision in a similar way that the North Star helps a sailor – when you’re not sure which way to go, it helps point you in the right direction, even if you don’t know the exact steps.
Your vision isn’t just about what you want to do, but also about who you want to be in the future. It’s based on what you really want, what you’re good at, what matters most to you (your values), and what truly motivates you – not just what you think you should be doing.
Once your vision comes to light, you can work backwards to set smaller, time-bound goals. You can find exercises online to help figure this out, or work with a professional coach.
It’s All in Your Head
A lot of the advice about work-life balance focuses on managing your time. But what if the real issue is how you think about time? How often do you catch yourself saying things like, “I can’t leave yet; I still have to finish this,” or, “You don’t understand, I have to get this done!”? The way you think about time has a big impact on your life.
Try this: Keep your vision in mind and regularly ask yourself, “Is what I’m doing right now helping me get closer to my vision?” You might be surprised by how often the answer is “no.”
Creating a log of everything you do – even for just two or three days – can seem overwhelming. But it can offer an eye-opening look at how you spend your time. Most of us find time when we thought we didn’t have any.
The Truth About Distractions
Dr. Nir Eyal, author of Indistractable, says that any time we aren’t doing what we know we should be doing, it’s because we’re trying to avoid some kind of uncomfortable feeling. His research shows that 90% of distractions are internal and only 10% come from external triggers like dings and pings. The opposite is traction – anything that pulls you toward what matters.
When you notice you’re becoming distracted, try this:
- Notice how you’re feeling. Are you bored, annoyed, tired, stressed, hungry, overwhelmed, or confused?
- Get curious about it. Don’t blame outside factors; take responsibility for your feelings.
- Surf the urge. Tell yourself you can give in to the distraction, but only after 10 minutes have passed. Often, the feeling will subside by then. You might even use a mantra such as, “This is what it feels like to get better.”
There’s no shame in getting distracted – we all do it. However, we need to understand why we’re doing it and learn to manage those uncomfortable feelings in a different way. A distraction is anything that pulls you away from what really matters; the opposite is traction – anything that pulls you toward what matters.
Practical Tips for Managing Your Time
Instead of working from a to-do list, try planning blocks of time for different tasks. At the end of each block, ask yourself, “Did I do what I said I would do, for as long as I said I would, without getting distracted?” This helps you figure out how long each task actually takes so you can plan better in the future. That might include learning to delegate or automating tasks.
Some people need to work on setting boundaries. Boundaries are what you will and won’t do – not what you want someone else to do or stop doing. It’s not, “Stop interrupting me!” Instead, say, “I’m working now. Let’s meet at 2:30 for 15 minutes.”
This all happens with your vision at the forefront.
Dealing with Stress
When we talk about stress being bad for you, it’s not actually the stress itself that’s harmful – it’s failing to recover from it properly. Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar suggests that recovery can occur at different levels:
- Micro: A 15-minute break, some exercise, meditation, or a meal with friends.
- Mid: A day off or a good night’s sleep.
- Macro: A week-long vacation when you’re fully unplugged.
Even small breaks can make a big difference. In one study, financial traders who were under high stress took 30 seconds of deep breathing every two hours. This brief pause was all they felt they could manage given the demands of their jobs, and within a month, the entire organization was performing better.
The lesson? When you feel like you absolutely can’t stop, that’s exactly when you need to take a break – even if it’s just for a moment.
Wrapping Up
What stands out to you after reading this?
Finding your life rhythm is different for everyone, but it always starts with having a clear vision and understanding what’s pulling you off track. It requires focused intention and might take some trial and error. Once you’re clear on your vision and your biggest distractions, it’s easier to meet your needs and stay focused in all areas of your life – at work, at home, and anywhere else that matters to you.
It’s not about achieving perfect balance every day. It’s about creating a sustainable rhythm that works for you, your business, and your life. Start small, be patient with yourself, and adjust as needed.
Image: blacksalmon/stock.adobe.com
Janet Frank, Ph.D., A-CFHC, NBC-HWC, PFAC, is a former licensed psychologist and board-certified health and wellness coach. In her all-virtual practice, she specializes in stress management, emotional eating/weight management, and the prevention and management of chronic disease through lifestyle changes. She can be reached at janetfrankcoaching@gmail.com or through janetfrankcoaching.com.
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