Finding Balance

Cultivating emotional wellness in a productivity-focused world

By Janet Frank, Ph.D., A-CFHC, NBC-HWC, PFAC
National Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach

Hotel owners face unique stressors in their day-to-day lives – demanding schedules and guests, staff turnover, seasonal fluctuations, and quality control during high-pressure periods. These can lead to uncomfortable emotions, like sadness, anxiety, grief, and anger. In our world of quick fixes and positivity, there’s often a sense of urgency to get rid of such “negative” emotions – they’re labeled as problems to fix rather than experiences to process. Finding a balance between the two is key.

The Continuum of Mental Well-being

Mental health exists on a spectrum. On one end, we experience typical emotional responses to life’s challenges. On the other, we find clinical conditions requiring professional help. Most of us move along this continuum throughout our lives, needing more support at some times than others.

Emotional wellness directly impacts business outcomes in hospitality – from staff retention to guest satisfaction scores to decision-making during major projects. So how do you know what you need, and when?

Sit with Your Feelings

Susan David, Ph.D., a psychologist and author of the book Emotional Agility, says that when we are emotionally agile, we can deal with the world as it is, rather than how we want it to be. This includes approaching our own emotions, which may be pleasant or unpleasant – note the contrast to “positive” or “negative” – with curiosity, compassion, and courage. David’s key points include:

1. Emotional agility is essential. Rather than trying to ignore or suppress emotions, we should learn to face them openly.
2. Emotions are data, not directives. Emotions contain important information about our values and needs, but they shouldn’t automatically dictate our actions.
3. Labeling emotions accurately matters. David highlights the importance of developing “emotional granularity” – the ability to precisely identify and name feelings. If you identify that you are sad, don’t stop there. Challenge yourself to name at least two other feelings you might have that are related to sadness. For instance, you might actually feel hurt or unfulfilled. This specificity helps us understand ourselves better and respond more effectively.
4. Embrace values-based living over emotion-driven choices. David advocates for making choices based on our core values rather than temporary emotional states. She encourages identifying what truly matters to us and using that as our compass. As an example, feeling anger at a negative review might be an indicator of how you value excellence. Choose your response based on the value, not the emotion.

Nir Eyal, author of Indistractable, also recognizes that society treats common unpleasant feelings as problems to eliminate, when they’re actually important signals. He notes that being particular about organization is often equated to obsessive-compulsive disorder; temporary sleep disturbances are dubbed insomnia; shyness becomes social anxiety disorder; or trouble focusing on work becomes ADHD.

Before rushing to label these concerns as disorders, like David, Eyal urges us to remember that emotions are not problems to fix but signals to tune into. He suggests asking a few questions when experiencing an unpleasant emotion:

1. Is this a response to my environment?
2. Are these feelings temporary?
3. Have I considered the root causes?
4. Could changing my routine make a difference?

In his book, Eyal suggests that healthier ways to cope include acknowledging emotions without judgment, examining the source of your feelings, making environmental changes when needed, and seeking support from friends and family.

It’s essential to assess our emotions and the situations first before taking action. This pause can be in the moment – like taking a deep breath before an angry outburst – or it may take weeks – like exploring your environment to see if there are factors that influence how you feel.

Go Back to the Basics

Dr. David Wiss, a nutritionist with a focus on mental health, notes that there is no singular way to improve mental wellness. He acknowledges that therapy and medications can be helpful, but he reminds people to also focus on the basics – getting enough sunlight, adequate sleep, yoga, breathwork, community, and nutrition, to name a few.

The basic pillars of health include diet, sleep, movement, and stress management. We are still genetically similar to people from just a few hundred years ago, but our lives are dramatically different. The onslaught of processed food, phones and screens, long hours, desk jobs, and high stress make it impossible for us to live as we are biologically meant to. This evolutionary mismatch often presents itself in uncomfortable emotions or health problems such as depression, anxiety, obesity, or diabetes. In these cases, making behavioral and habit changes can go a long way toward feeling better.

When to Consider a Health and Wellness Coach

Coaches work with clients who are functioning well overall but seek optimization or support through specific challenges. Consider coaching when:

• You’re navigating a significant life or business transition – your values are key here.
• You want education or accountability for health and wellness goals.
• You need support developing better work-life boundaries.
• You’re seeking improved emotional regulation.
• You want to enhance leadership skills or communication patterns.

A health coach focuses on present challenges and future goals, providing structure, accountability, and expertise in behavior change. This might involve creating systems for managing emotional triggers, establishing time for reflection, or developing resilience practices.

When Therapy May Be Beneficial

While coaching addresses forward-looking goals, therapy is appropriate when past experiences significantly impact current functioning or when symptoms interfere with daily life. Consider therapy when experiencing:

• Persistent low mood or anxiety that doesn’t improve with time.
• Difficulty performing normal work or family responsibilities.
• Significant changes in sleep, appetite, or energy.
• Thoughts of harming yourself or others.
• Reliance on substances or behaviors to manage emotions.
• Traumatic experiences impacting current functioning.

There is overlap between coaching and therapy and plenty of gray between the two. Many coaches will offer a free consultation, which can help you decide if you need a coach, therapist, physician, or some combination. 

Moving Forward

Rather than seeking quick fixes for unpleasant emotions, sustainable mental well-being requires us to approach our full emotional spectrum with curiosity, determine when we need professional support, and remember that our modern lifestyle often conflicts with our biological needs. Taking a holistic perspective empowers us to respond – rather than react – to life’s challenges.

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Janet Frank, Ph.D., A-CFHC, NBC-HWC, PFAC, is a former Licensed Psychologist and National Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach. She can be reached through janetfrankcoaching.com or at janet@janetfrankcoaching.com.

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